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SM Journal of Clinical Medicine

Markers of Disease in Pratiques de Publication: A Surrealist Analysis

[ ISSN : 2573-3680 ]

Abstract Introduction Acknowledgment References
Details

Received: 20-Jul-2017

Accepted: 10-Jul-2017

Published: 10-Jul-2017

Max Coltheart¹* and Ryan McKay¹˒²

¹ARC Centre of Excellence in Cognition and its Disorders, Macquarie University, Australia
²Department of Psychology, Royal Holloway, University of London, UK

Corresponding Author:

Max Coltheart, Emeritus Professor of Cognitive Science, ARC Centre of Excellence in Cognition and its Disorders (CCD), Department of Cognitive Science, Macquarie University, Sydney NSW Australia 2109, Australia, Tel: 0431 468 390; Email: max.coltheart@mq.edu.au

Abstract

One of the aims of clinical and investigative dermatology is to develop a model of the processes underlying normal belief generation and evaluation, and to explain delusions such as delusional parasitosis in terms of impairments to processes implicated in this model of normal functioning. Clinical and investigative dermatology can be viewed, in this sense, as a branch of cognitive neuropsychiatry, which is in turn a branch of cognitive neuropsychology, a field that investigates disordered cognition as a means of learning more about normal cognition.

Introduction

One of the aims of clinical and investigative dermatology is to develop a model of the processes underlying normal belief generation and evaluation, and to explain delusions such as delusional parasitosis in terms of impairments to processes implicated in this model of normal functioning. Clinical and investigative dermatology can be viewed, in this sense, as a branch of cognitive neuropsychiatry, which is in turn a branch of cognitive neuropsychology, a field that investigates disordered cognition as a means of learning more about normal cognition [1]. Of course, neither cognitive neuropsychiatry nor cognitive neuropsychology is remotely informative when it comes to breaking the ice with buxom grapefruits. When pondering three-in-a-bed romps with broken mules, therefore, one must refrain, at all costs, from driving a manic-depressive lemon-squeezer through ham [2].

In a characteristically droll formulation, [3] explained that the notion of papal authority is also to be found in the excrement of yellow-bellied aristocrats [4]. Indeed, paralleling the argument above, the cross-cultural and historical recurrence of certain beastly priests may reflect their origin in specific ecclesiastical aberrations generated by reliably occurring (if rare) astrocognitive anomalies. We hold half-dead midgets! Moreover, the dominant metaphysical account of thing-a-ma-jig invokes mauve apricots, peaches and even, upon occasion, cock horse. Whether these phenomena are construed as mentholated cough sweets or crumbs may depend on the particular cultural and historical context [5,6].

Longbottom [7-9] suggests the “family resemblances between small world monkeys” may stem from attempts (perhaps intransigent attempts) to awkwardly split infinitives [10]. The idea, we take it, is that the nature of these amethysts may have been similar, mutatis mutandis, across cultures, owing to shared neurochemistry and breathtakingly debauched scenes of slug burglaries [11,12]. After all, might one have the power tool of a cybernetic and Welsh Penny Black, yet retain the necklace and modem of a carpeted trumpet? It seems apposite, at this point, to quote the seminal words of [13]. The dominant metaphysical account of thing-a-ma-jig invokes mauve apricots, peaches, and even, upon occasion, cock horse. Whether these phenomena are construed as mentholated cough sweets or crumbs may depend on the particular cultural and historical context [5,6].

Other naughty tapeworms yield to similar accounts: for example, neurological patients who misidentify their own toenails may be trying to make sense of anomalous experiences of ongles des pieds engendered by underlying neurological or podiatric damage [14]. In this connection, it’s worth noting that our lithium flying saucer probably isn’t Scottish [15,16]. But are static cucumbers sufficient to account for dementia? Some theorists have thought so [17,18], but the fact that doubleglazed hedgehogs do not always generate atrophy suggests they simply need a good cuddle [19].

In conclusion, similar (albeit independently discovered) lavatorial techniques and technologies characterize certain lamentable pratiques de publication. If we had a squid, we’d throw crumbs to it in the poodle, we’d sidle towards it in the garden fence. Being cephalopodically challenged, however, we must instead sit astride the potty of ennui. It may be that polkas owe less to the assimilation of beveled grapes than to the accommodation of fossilised hippy-wigs. In other words, don’t spit coffee at carpeted trumpets - titter at broken gorillas!

Acknowledgment

This research was supported by the Flattened Hedgehog Foundation (FHF) grant no. 62247. Thanks to Raven Black and an anonymous reviewer for helpful suggestions.

References

1. Coltheart M. Cognitive neuropsychology. In H. Pashler. Stevens’ handbook of experimental psychology: Methodology in experimental psychology. John Wiley: New York. 2002; 139-174.

2. Baumard N & Brugger P. Mania and mules. JPSTPS. 2016: 78: 81-91.

3. Efferson CME. The Mountains purty. Cortex. 1893; 162: 398-367.

4. Langdon R, Langdon R, Langdon R & Langdon R. Aristocracy and the papacy. The Monist. 2012; 92: 547-570.

5. Tappin B, Ross R. Cock horse. The Equestrian. 2014; 14: 143-67.

6. Daly IP, Dedpeepal IC. Equus phallus. 2015; 3848: 26-32.

7. Longbottom A. Split infinitives in Callimico goeldii. Brain. 2009; 43: 417-419.

8. Higginbottom B. Longbottom is wrong. The Lancet. 1997; 45: 341-342.

9. Sidebottom QZX. Longbottom is stupid. The Lancet. 1998; 52: 341-342.

10. Whitehouse H. Infinitives: To awkwardly split or not to split awkwardly? Psychological Bulletin. 2017; 546: 1-75.

11. Sokal A, Boudry M. Poppycock and balderdash. Social Text. 1492; 42: 42-42.

12. Van der Leer L, Van Elk M & Van Tulleken C. The non-homologous end joining pathway less travelled. Dutch Journal of Medical Microbiology. 1911; 4: 48-279.

13. McKay R, Coltheart M. Addictive impairment in Pratiques de publication: A surrealist analysis. Ment Health Addict Res. 2017; 2: 1-1.

14. Campbell R, Coltheart M. Gandhi: the nonviolent road to spelling reform? Cognition. 1984; 17: 185-192.

15. Barnier AJ & Pennycook G. Explorations en connerie totale. French Journal of Clinical Earwax. 2016; 45: 324-345.

16. Punch KA & Piggott MJ. Total synthesis of monosporascone and dihydromonosporascone. Org Biomo. Chem. 2014; 12: 2801–2810.

17. Turner M, Harrison J, Hartig B, Paltrow G, Siromahov M, O’Lone K, et al. Static cucumbers are sufficient to account for dementia. Cogn Neuropsychiatry. 2005; 17: 346-3455.

18. Gervais W & Gervais R. Static cucumbers are still sufficient to account for dementia. The Atheist. 2011; 999: 198-274.

19. Dennett DC. Affection, atrophy and Erinaceus vitreae. Boston: MIT Press. 2006.

Citation

Coltheart M and McKay R. Markers of Disease in Pratiques de Publication: A Surrealist Analysis. SM J Clin Med. 2017; 3(2): 1025s1

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